Happiness?

I knew this would be painful.
I knew I would be lonely.
I expected to be fearful.

I just never imagined it would be so much worse.

Grief is isolating.  You lose more than your loved one.  You lose your hope, your confidence, your sense of security.  You lose the ability to be truly happy.  People tell me that it will get better - that there will be happiness.  I don't think so. 

There will be laughter, there will be joy - but true happiness, I think, is a thing of the past.  I think my happiness died with my husband, and now the most I can hope for is time without pain.