So, today I got layed off. As soon as I got to work I knew, but of course they waited eleven hours to tell me. You get to figure out people you work with, so I had several hours to prepare.
Budget constraints. They needed more money so my position was eliminated. Well, you can't get blood from a stone, so I guess it is better to be layed off and look for work full time than to not get paid for time work. Of course if the partners had been better business people they wouldn't be in this position, but, alas.
While I handled the "discussion " professionally, I was seething. I don't think they handled it well. Nobody likes letting people go, but I think you should grow a set and actually look at the person you are sending to the unemployment office. In any cases, it is done. I'm upset because in many regards I feel that I was lied to. I did the right thing when I had to, but good deeds often go rewarded. I know that I worked hard and am leaving that place better than I found it.
It wasn't an easy ride. While employed there I developed an eye condition that damaged my vision and causes chronic pain. I had a doctor tell me that my husband had terminal cancer, and spent every day for the next 3 1/2 months with him in hospital and hospice. Several surgeries, painful wound care, two rounds of chemo. He died in my arms. (During this time my boss was incredibly compassionate.)
Seven months later I had back surgery. Painful, but my parents flew in to help me as I healed. Five months later cataract surgery. Four months later my back went out again. If the first time was painful, the second time was excruciating and immobilizing. By the time I had the surgery the smallest movement left me screaming and crying. This is around the time my boss started hating me. Nothing I did was right. My coworkers called her out on her cruelty and she apologized, but after a day or two the hostility was back. A dear friend took me to the hospital, and I spent two nights there. Then I was sent home alone.
The following weekend I had been looking forward to attending my niece's wedding. Instead she arranged for her brother to skype the ceremony so I could watch live. A few hours earlier a dear friend, one of Brian's hospice nurses, came over for coffee. Tater, Brian and my cat jumped up to visit, and we immediately knew something was wrong. His eye was sunken and weeping, he had some sort of puss on his fur, and his breath was foul. I couldn't lift him, so Sharon put him in his crate and drove us to the vet. Cancer in his mouth had grown up into his sinus cavity and was pressing on his eye. There was nothing to do for him. I held him and cried as he was "put to sleep".
It was heartbreaking.
That Monday I called my office. My boss, who had read of Taters death on FaceBook didn't offer condolences. Instead she accused me of being a suicidal drug addict and told me not to return to work until I got my act together. I have never been suicidal nor a drug abuser, and I was shocked and hurt. I healed and returned to work part time. Then one Sunday afternoon I started having horrific back spasms. Friends took me to the ER, where heavy duty muscle relaxers and pain killers eventually calmed things down. It was late evening so I called my boss to tell her I was in the ER and would not be at work the next day. She never asked what happened or if I had an accident or illness. Her only comment was, "if you're not going to be at work tomorrow, you better get a doctors note."
Things never got better. Her hostility continued to get worse. Not one to give anyone any benefit of doubt, she snapped, barked, yelled, or gave her special brand of dagger eyes every chance she got. If anyone in the office did anything wrong, I was blamed. It was daily abuse. I have been looking for a better opportunity, but hadn't nailed down anything yet.
So today I felt angry, then sad, then like a total loser. And then a new way to think about it occurred to me. I started listing my haves and have nots. I don't have my husband, my cat, my sweet dog, my health or my financial security. Frightening! And while I no longer have a salary (did I mentioned how pathetically underpaid I've been?), I also no longer have a job in a toxic environment with an abusive job. I may not have much that is good, but maybe losing a job that sucked the life out of me isn't so bad.
I need a job. I need benefits which she didn't offer. I need to work and have a sense of accomplishment and pride. I need to be in an environment where I don't have to walk on eggshells.
Losing my Lola and my job in the same week has been horrible. Nothing will ever replace Brian, Tater or Lola; but this job.....this job can be replaced with something to much better. It might not happen as fast as I would like, but saying goodbye to the toxicity of that job might be my biggest win in years!
Believe it or not, this was the cliff noes version. I didn't even touch on the racial, anti-Semitic and misogonistic and insensitive comments from the not so silent partner.
Wow. I think that now I might even get a decent night of sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment