Tomorrow morning will mark 10 months since Brian has been gone. Ten months since the most painful moments in my life. Ten months since he stopped breathing in my arms.
These anniversaries can be cruel. They surprise us with their intensity and viscerate us with their sharp edges. Memories come without invitations, and pain sneaks up on us without warning. I can't predict what I'll feel tomorrow or how I will react. I will try to protect myself though.
I will try to look at the day not as an anniversary of the horror of Brian's death, but as a marker of my own strength and growth. I think Brian would approve of that.
He wanted me to live. He wanted me to be happy. He wanted me to face life without fear. While I never saw it or recognized it, Brian always saw me as a strong person. So tomorrow I will try to be the person that Brian loved. I will try to focus on another step away from pain and grief and back towards life. And if it is all too much, and I fail, I'll have each new day to try again.
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