tick

I've come to accept that Brian is gone; that no amount of love, or prayer, or longing will bring him back.  Everything has changed - life as we knew it is over, and nothing in my life is comforting or comfortable.

I have no idea who I am anymore.  How do I live a purposeful life?  Where do I find meaning, passion, or interest?  Do I have anything at all to offer anyone?

Why is Brian dead, and why am I alive?  What am I supposed to be doing with this life, because it feels like a waste.  I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to feel excited about, nothing or no one to live for.

I hate what has become of my life;  I'm starting to hate me.  I don't have the strength, knowledge, or ability to turn this around.

The clock ticks, minute by minute, and the meaniglessness of existence overwhelms.  Breathe in, breathe out.  Another moment passes.