Irellevant

Perhaps I'm not invisible, perhaps I'm just irellevant.

I accepted a dinner invitation last night from a couple I know. .  Another good friend and a couple I'm friendly with were also invited.  It was a lovely evening.  A warm and comfortable environment, great food, people I enjoy.

But somewhere along the way it changed.  Conversation turned to cancer, and death, and just stayed there.  They talked about people who died of cancer and how bad it was.  They talked about people who survived cancer and how good it was. They talked about dying at length, and while I sat there trying to zone out, they didn't notice the tears welling up in my eyes.  Each time I tried to join the conversation I was talked over or ignored - as if there was an assumption that I had nothing to offer the conversation.

Rationally I know that this says more about the other guests than me, but I can't help but believe that since I lost Brian, I've lost the right to particate in discussions.

It really upset me.