I know nothing. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I am. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how to fill the void in my heart and in my life.
Some say "choose life". What does that mean? This is my life. This is my loss. My husband died. My life feels empty, meaningless, untethered. I have chosen life; I'm not suicidal, but this life doesn't feel worth living.
Others say to just live with your grief and understand that it stems from love. No kidding. What does that mean? Live one day after another with no meaning, no love, no partner. I miss talking to my husband every day. I miss having someone hug me when I cry. I hate going to bed alone every night, and waking up alone every morning. I have nothing to look forward to. Life has become an endless series of obligations. Work, clean, pay bills I can't afford. Blow dry my hair and put on lipstick to make others feel more comfortable. Slap on a fake smile until I'm alone and the tears begin to flow.
How do you choose life when there is nothing compelling left?
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