A year and a Half

A year and a half ago was Brian's last night.  A year and a half ago tomorrow morning I became a widow.

Was there something that I was supposed to learn in this time?  Was I supposed to become smarter or stronger?  Was I supposed to be more enlightened?

I'm not.  I'm so much more alive than I was a year and a half ago, but I don't see any good that has come from Brian's death.  It was random and cruel.  It was meaningless.

I've always thought that the difficult times in my life were meant to teach me something.  I no longer believe that.  There isn't always a silver lining.


Edit:  I just realized that it isn't a year and a half, it is a year and five months.  Memory and emotion don't always coincide with anniversaries, and thank God for that.