Rhythm and Flow

When you're in a real partnership, like I had with Brian, life takes on a rhythm and flow.  You wake up together; you go to sleep together; and in between you do a million things together - a million ordinary little things together.

So when that partnership is cut short, everything changes.  Nothing is familiar or comfortable anymore.  Everything becomes difficult, frightening, and overwhelming.

I'm overwhelmed, and I hate myself for it because it feels like weakness.  No matter how many people tell me otherwise, it feels like failure because life has no familiar rhythem.  The flow is gone and I feel like I'm being bounced around from challenge to challenge, problem to problem, failure to failure.

I know that it will get better - it already has, but life is hard right now.  I'm so tired of having to work so hard just to make it through each day.

I feel happiness and joy.  I laugh.  I love.  But I miss the comfort of my old life, and the feeling of certainty that in my partnership with Brian everything would be OK.