Grief never goes away. Mourning never ends. Life goes on, and a new normal starts to feel OK. Joy comes back in starts and fits. Laughter becomes real again. Happiness becomes imaginable, and hope returns.
But the sadness remains. Some days it descends like a thick fog, and while hope is still there it is hidden behind the clouds of grief.
Others can't understand. How can I be OK one day, and fall part the next. I am. Its a scary ride. It is difficult to enjoy the ups when you know that the pain can jump up and strangle you at any time. The suffocating grip around the neck that tries to convince you that you're already dead. We are crazy. Schizophrenic at worst. Moody at best.
This is life - not the fairytale we thought we were living. This is life - wonderful, horrible, joyful, tearful, amazing and terrifying.
Loss is a hard lesson. It takes a lifetime to learn.
I'm OK. I'm not OK. I'm alive. That has to be enough. I am able to feel happy again, but that doesn't erase the pain. They coexist - the ying and yang in my heart and my mind.
I'm alive.
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