Four years ago tonight was the worst night of my life. When you realize that the idea of the person you love most in the world dying is less horrific than the thought that they will continue to live in their current state..... When you start to press the morphine button to help him die instead of to help him live.....
That is a pain that never goes away. That is a blow from which you never recover. That was me four years ago tonight, and right now it hurts almost as much as it did then.
I miss you, Brian. This pain is so awful because our love was so strong. Your died too young. Fate was so unfair. I live, not because I expect to regain the happiness we had, but because I know how incredibly lucky I am to have had the love we shared. I will always love you.
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