Tomorrow will be three years since my Brian died. People are remarking on how much better I am. Am I? I don't cry in public nearly as often as I used to. That is a good thing. Of course I feel like I'm not out in public as much as I used to be. It is just too much work trying to be ok. I feel like I've spent years living under water, and I would like to come up for air, but I can't remember how to breath.
I still hurt, and the last two weeks before this terrible anniversary have been hard. I'm sad, and I feel physically sick. I know that anniversaries do that - so many painful memories that are so clear. I know that in a week or two I won't feel so sick. I just don't know if I'll ever remember how to breath again.
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