Alone

Life goes on whether we want it to or not. There are good times, bad times, challenging times..... No matter what is happening, you feel the loss. Family cares, friends are kind and generous and supportive, but at the end of the day when you face life without your partner, you face it alone.

I'm luckier than most. I'm blessed with a lot of people who love me and who help me so much. I'm so grateful so I feel so guilty to admit to feeling so alone.

I'm tired of pretending that I'm strong or brave. I'm tired of trying to hide the depth of my fears. I'm tired of living alone and pretending that any part of that is ok.

Brian was always there for me, and I hope I was always there for him. Lately I question if I was there for him in the way he needed in the end. I hope that in his illness he didnt feel as alone as I feel right now.