lonely

I honestly don't know if I'm Depressed or just unhappy - or even how I would tell the difference. I have family that loves me, I have friends that care about me, but I feel so alone in the world. I can't really talk to anyone except my therapist, and she doesn't talk back. I pay her to listen to myself drone on like a broken record. Things don't get better. 

This week I felt like everyone finds my to be annoying. I should just stop talking because nobody cares about what I say.

And writing this here, it sounds like indulgent self-pity, but it is how I feel. Really alone.

I hate having to ask people for help. I hate that I'm trying to organize social events that either fall through, or leave me feeling left out. I hate not having enough money to go out, to buy tickets to the theater, to take a much needed vacation. I hate carrying myself through this life as a widow.