Change

Grief can change a person.  You become someone else, someone you don't recognize; perhaps someone you don't even like.

You make choices out of loneliness and despair - and who is to say if those choices are good or bad, healthy or self-destructive.

I hate what I have become.  I hate being lonly and desperate.  I hate being needy.  I hate feeling pathetic.

When Brian was here, I always new who I was.  I saw myself reflected in his eyes.  I was half of him, he was half of me.  Now, I'm not half of anything.  I'm simply not whole.  I don't recognize myself in anyone's eyes.  I don't recognize myself in the mirror.  I don't know who I am or what I'm doing.