I miss my life

I'm approaching the first anniversary of Brian's death and many feel that I should be done mourning.  It doesn't work that way.  I have accepted Brian's death, but that doesn't mean that I have come to terms with it.

I'm not just mourning the end of his life; I'm mourning the end of my own.  The best of my life died with Brian.  My marriage is over.  My best friend is gone.  The person I spent the most time with, my confidant, my sounding board, my lover - all gone.  The person that I could laugh and cry with, the only one who could bring comfort, the only one who knew me completely  - gone.  I

I have turned towards life.  I'm not tucked away from the world wallowing in my grief, but I miss love, joy and fun.  There is no joy left.  Life is bleak.

Mourning doesn't end by a mark on the calendar.  I am still deeply mourning.  I miss my life.