Loss doesn't "get better". You don't heal from grief, but as time goes on you process it in a different light. Brian's death is no longer a shock. It isn't as raw as it once was, but it is painful in a different way.
My happiness, my future, my dreams were so tied up in him - now that he is gone, life feels bleak and meaningless. I can't find anything to look forward to. It is hard to find joy or satisfaction in things. I don't know how to plan for the future, because I can't even imagine a future without him.
The pain of his death isn't as bad as it once was, but the reality of my life now without him, is unbearably painful. I "do". I get through the days. I go to work, I take care of my pets - I get by, but it isn't enough. I would like to live a purposeful life, but I can't find meaning anymore.
Loneliness sucks meaning from life. I don't know how to look forward to a future that is still incomprehensible and frightening.
I am so sorry for your loss and I send many prayers for comfort. I know I am a complete stranger halfway across the country, but perhaps I am to reach out to you for a reason. I was touched by your blog Hooked on Crochet because you were crocheting hats for chemo patients. Then I started clicking and reading and discovering why there were no other posts. I hope that eventually you will find meaning and purpose for your life again, your husband sounded like a pretty great guy! You are NOT invisible, and you mean something to someone...even a complete stranger like me! Sending you love and many prayers. Thank you for the many free patterns of hats you have offered previously, I use them to make hats for chemo also! Stay strong, your husband only left you in physical form, his spirit surrounds you always.
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