Today the sun went down before I cried. I didn't plan it, its not like I set a goal. It just happened. When I took Lola out tonight, the tears just came, and I realized that they were the first tears of the day.
I don't think it is a sign of healing. I think that I'm feeling angry, and so helpless because there is nobody to be angry with. I can't direct anger at anyone. I'm just so angry that this is now my life. This is not what I ever planned for or even imagined. Brian and I planned to grow old together.
How do I face the future alone? How do I manage my fears alone?
I made it through most of the day today without tears, but when they came they were scalding. I lay in our bed alone, and the night seems so long, cold, and terribly lonely.
No comments:
Post a Comment